she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
