Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
