yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
