I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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