Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
