you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
