It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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