How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
