I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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