Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
