This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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