I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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