Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
