my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
false alarm. still invincible.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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