I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
