i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
