My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
