The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
