you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just cut my nipple shaving
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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