I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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