You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
