Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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