kristin has been a bad kristin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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