if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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