also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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