Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
