Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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