I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
