there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
