So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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