hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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