Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
