Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
