i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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