he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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