I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
