I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
