Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
