The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were trust falling into bushes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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