**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
