I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
