I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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