on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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