They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize