Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
