His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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