turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
should my penis look like a turkey
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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