is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
