What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think people are normalizing furries
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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