I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
