ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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